Here we go...

So it's about 11:00 at night. I'm flying out before 6:00am tomorrow morning, but I can't sleep. Hours logged on the trainer, pavement, and crappy 25 yd pool have culminated to this weekend that has finally arrived. Leading up to tonight, when people ask if I'm ready I would respond "Ready or not" as if that somehow got me out of responding truthfully with "I'm completley freaked out". However, after some soul searching, I've come to realize a few key points about racing that not many people figure out until after the fact... so here they are:

• No one really cares about how good I do. Think about it, of course I have family and friends who wish I succeed, but do you think they remeber what place I finished in my last race, or if I met my goal time? We put so much pressure on oursleves as atheletes to the point of illness because we feel we need to perform to others expectations, when in reality nobody cares!
• I know exactly how well I'll perform. I know exactly what my capabilities are for each leg of the race through hours of training, heart rate monitoring, and practice races. It's when I leave reality and begin to wonder what if... what if I finish top ten and qualify to turn pro?! What if I can shave a whole hour off my previous time? Then I come back to reality, look at my training and capabilities and begin to set realistic goals worth grinding it out for, goals that are attainable for ME.
• It ain't worth getting all worked up over. Before each Ironman I go around to my close friends and family and apologize for my month-long crabby attitude and thank them for putting up with it. In the grand scheme of things, we register for these races to accomplish something great, not to poo on everyone around us in the process. If you can't enjoy the experience then don't sign your your life away to a full time job known as Ironman training. Accept that everyone else will toe the line having missed key workouts. It happens. It's called life. Deal with it.

While the tone of this post may sound a little sarcastic, there is depth. I've figured out the very important lesson of how to remove my pressures and anxiety. I'm now looking towards Sunday with tenacity, not fear. I'm going to go out and leave it all on the course because that's all that I can control. I have no idea the quality of competitors who will be out there with me, and I can't control how fast they finish. But the one thing I can control is me, my attitude, my performance. I know exactly how hard to push because I've done it before. And while I can't control the time I'll cross the line, I know I'll be on E when I do so, because on Sunday I'll lay it all out on the line, I'll focus all of my energy on me, and whether I cross in 10 hours or 17 hours I will have pushed myself to my limit because that's all I can do, and that's all I can control. Train on.